Communication

This week in class we talked about strategies for effective communication.

14% of what we're saying is conveyed through words
35% of what we're saying is through tone
51% of what we're saying is through non-verbal communication

Interestingly enough, people are most likely to believe non-verbal communication rather than words or tone. When I learned this I had to ask myself, are there times when I am non-verbally communicating things that are the opposite of what I am saying with words? The first step to effectively communicating is to recognize that there might be some mis communications in what you are saying.

Recognizing that only 14% of what we're saying is conveyed through words has large implications for the effect of texting on our society. In class, many students said that texting was their least favorite way of communicating because you can never really tell what someone is thinking.

The next step is to be intentional about what you are saying and how it may be perceived and work hard to listen. In fact, we should really put more work into listening than we are in speaking.

On Thursday we discussed some principles based on councils. It was really interesting to me to learn this material because we discussed how the quorum of the 12 counsel with each other and how we can apply that to our families.


Interestingly enough, the Brethern have councils once per week. This is the structure of those councils:

-Set time and Place- typically Thursdays in the temple
How powerful it would be to have a meeting with those around us in the temple once a week where the Spirit could be unrestrained and we could take care of any issues before they ever arose.
-The Brethren show up early and spend time expressing love and gratitude to each other
This reassures the members of the group that what is about to be said is out of love for that person and eliminates all fear or question of inadequacy or personal attack.
-The meeting opens with a prayer
The brethren invite the Spirit to be with then and pray to speak with love and do what the Lord would have them do.
-They have an agenda of topics to discuss and do so one at a time
This is a powerful idea because it suggests that there has been time and thought put into each of the topics beforehand. Each of the brethren received a copy of the agenda previously and had time to study it out in their minds and hearts. Interestingly enough, when they respond there is no interruption and the Brethren each speak what they believe the Lord wants, not their own opinion.
-They come to a consensus before they ever close an issue
This means that every person feels at peace with the decision and they support it as a unified whole. They leave the topic knowing that everyone has said all that each person needed to express on behalf of the Lord and his will.
-They close with a prayer
In this prayer, they give gratitude to the Lord for inspiration and for helping them to come to a consensus. They ask if there is something more that they may know to bring it to the next meeting. They also express their love for one another one more time.
-They finish the meeting with refreshments
Yes, they do eat refreshments in the temple. Apparently, it is some form of dessert...either chocolate or pie. What a great way to bond and feel the spirit of unity and friendship. 


How different would our family councils be if we counseled together in such a way? Would hard topics go over smoothly? Would there be a much more effective communication between members?

Family Stressors

It is not a coincidence that we had this discussion about family stressors this week. Every day I had something new come up and add to a "cumulative stressor" that was going on in my life.

I was gone the second day of the week, visiting my grandpa, who recently had surgery and was not doing very well.

What I did learn from Tuesday's class was that there are many things that can happen in a family life. There are things that are good stressors, stressors that are unplanned, stressors that build upon others, etc. Everyone's experiences are different... and everyone's stressors are difficult for them.

What I have learned is that the Lord will not give us challenges that we cannot overcome. In times of trial, I hold to 1 Nephi 3:7 "For I know that the Lord giveth no commandment, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them."

I think keeping a positive attitude and remembering that the Savior has endured ALL things helps us to overcome these trials in our lives. I enjoy this video.

What Brother Williams said really stuck out to me. It is not the trial itself that defines us, but how we react and respond to it.

I have learned that through my Savior Jesus Christ, I can do all things.

Teaching Children about Marital Intimacy

This week was a very interesting week for lessons. We talked about marital intimacy, the joys, potential challenges and the importance.

What I learned most from was the discussion about teaching our children about marital intimacy:

I love this guide ("A Parent's Guide") that the church has produced. It sums it up, in such a perfect, divine way.

Wedding vs. Marriage

This week we talked about some interesting insights as to the importance on a wedding.

Here are a few things that I learned:

1) Those who are of an older age sometimes struggle in marriages. They have been living a certain way for so long and tend to be set in their ways. Joining two people together who are both set in certain specific ways of living can cause a lot of problems.

2) The engagement itself sends a large message about the couple. Is it spontaneous- he just popped it on you, you were so surprised but it felt so right? This may suggest communication issues. It is such an important decision and yet it becomes an all in the moment (without discussion) kind of a thing. What about those extravagant public engagements http://www.wimp.com/lipdub/? What does that say about the couple? It seems as though the man has talked to A LOT of people about this decision...but how much has he talked to her? Is this going to be a public marriage or a private one? With such an important moment shared with so many people... how are they going to handle other precious marital moments?

There is beauty in simplicity here... in something meaningful for the couple, but not the world... in something planned and prepared for and prayed about.

3) The average wedding cost is around $21,000. With this cost... who can really afford to get married? It is no wonder people are co-habiting more and more. It is no wonder people dread the day when they get married or have extremely long engagements.

Where will we turn to get that money?
Typically, couples will have to do one of a few things: take out a loan, save up for a while, or have the parents pay. The question here is... what will that do to the rest of the marriage relationship? Taking out a loan will cause the couple to now have to worry about debt and be burdened with interest. Saving up for a while will deny the couple precious blessings through the marriage covenant... and something will ALWAYS come up. As for having parents pay, this may be the easiest, but also may be the worst of all. If parents pay for a wedding are you giving them a right in that marriage? They have contributed a lot of their time and resources to it. Would you feel any obligations to them?

Why do we feel such a draw towards having an expensive ONE DAY experience? Are we missing the point? There was a story told in class of two women who wanted to get married in a temple on one day. One because the outside was beautiful and would make for the perfect pictures and the other because it meant a lot to her to get married in the temple. She understood the real importance. On that blessed day, two things happened: there were some minor repairs being made on the outside of the temple and the second bride's dress would not be able to get to her in time for the wedding. The first bride was furious. She could not believe it.. her day was ruined. The other bride did not even give a second glance. She knew what was really important and was just grateful to have the opportunity to be married there.

We should try to step back from the focus on the frivolities of the wedding. Let's focus on what is really important.