I feel like I have gained so much in only one week!
I love learning about the family and the doctrine of the family. It is so directly applicable today and it is so easy to see the divine wisdom of the Lord.
From here I am just going to discuss what was talked about and specific insights that I gained from our discussions and the class preparations (if applicable).
Tuesday's class:
We started out class by dispelling myths about the family.
Some of these myths are:
1-Good sex = great marriage
One point that we discussed with this topic that really stood out to me was that although good sex DOES NOT equal a great marriage, a great marriage usually means that there is good sex. I happen to know quite a few women who got divorced after traumatizing wedding nights with their husbands. It is tragic really. This is one thing that is great about waiting until you are married, you can work out the difficulties and embarrassments TOGETHER.
2-Opposites attract
I happen to know a LOT of people who think this is the case for marriage. One thing that Brother Williams said that was so powerful for me was that it's those different rebellious things that get you excited at first will be the things that frustrate you in a marriage. Granted, I know my husband and I are very different. I think it is equally important to recognize that no two people are the same or equal. It is our differences that make up for the other spouse's lack. However, the BIG things CANNOT be opposite.
3-The extended family is lost
One of the things that stuck out to me most about this is what Brother Williams said, "We tend to compare useful data now with rosy data of the past." This really does present a skewed view of reality. In addition, Brother Williams said that if we have our parents in our home while we raise our family, we have interference in our test of Godhood. I thought this was very profound. We all may notice that when we come home we take the roll of the child again and our parents take the role of parents. How would we ever gain the skills we need for the eternities if we are still living like children?!
4-Happy marriages have NO conflict
Even though this is crazy, I am sure that I fell for this at one time, too. The media has portrayed love as kiss, and then happily ever after... the end. Some girls read their romance novels and watch chick flicks and then are crushed when marriage really isn't roses and lavender. I also really liked how the book (Marriage and Family by Robert and Jeanette Lauer) phrased this, "not only is conflict normal, but when it is handled properly, it strengthens rather than threatens marriage."
5-Children make a marriage happier
This one was pretty straight forward for me. However, the book says something that is very powerful. "The impact of children seems to depend on the quality of the marriage: a good marriage enhances the benefits and reduces the liabilities of children. If the marriage deteriorates with the addition of children, the couple probably already had a troubled relationship."
6-Half of all marriages end in divorce
This is such a commonly stated myth. Here are some direct quotes from the book: "The rate [of divorce] is now lower than it has been since the early 1970s," "At any rate, in the national survey, which was a representative sample of the U.S. Population, 35 of those ever married also had been divorced. It is not true that half of all marriages fail, and if the declining rates continue, the proportion of those divorced will be far less than 50%."
I learned a lot during this class period, but those insights are specific to the (now dispelled) myths.
Another really powerful thing that I learned was that all the trends with marriage and family (age for delayed marriage is increasing, birthrates are down, unwed births are up, mothers in the workforce numbers are up, premarital sex is more prevalent, and co-habitation is increasing) are interrelated and begin with premarital sex. Having sex before you are married may lead to unwed pregnancy, forcing the mother to work, leading to co-habitation, leading to delayed marriage, leading to lower birth rates...etc.
The Lord and the counsel of modern prophets have been dead on about chastity. President Thomas S. Monson of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints said "Because sexual intimacy is so sacred, the Lord requires self-control and purity before marriage, as well as full fidelity after marriage... Tears inevitably follow transgression." I think Elder Maxwell puts it best when he says, "A quarter of a century ago historian John Lukacs perceptively warned that sexual immorality was not merely a marginal development but, instead, was at the center of the moral crisis of our time (see John Lukacs, The Passing of the Modern Age, New York: Harper & Row, Publishers, 1970, p. 169). Some thought Lukacs was overstating it, but consider the subsequent and sobering tragedy of children having children, of unwed mothers, of children without parents, of hundreds of thousands of fatherless children, and of rampant spousal infidelity. These and related consequences threaten to abort society's future even before the future arrives! Yet carnalists are unwilling to deny themselves, even though all of society suffers from an awful avalanche of consequences!"
Thursday's class
In class today we talked about a documentary we watched in preparation for class. The documentary is called The New Economic Reality: Demographic Winter . This second half of this documentary is linked here. I found these documentaries very interesting, first of all, because I feel like no one tells the real story and this did. When I was in high school, I had a baptist history teacher who used to tell us every day, "well don't worry... there's not going to be any space on earth or resources by the time you graduate college, anyway." I never believed him because I held to the scripture D&C 104:17 "For the earth is full, and there is enough and to spare; yea, I prepared all things..." but it still did scare me. After watching this documentary and the discussions in class, I felt such peace. Satan cannot defy the plan of God.
I also really loved the quote that was given that said we did not come to this earth to "eat, drink and be merry." How true that is. The whole purpose of being here it to prepare to be like God, meaning, have a family.
I think the huge message that I got from this week is that the Lord is wise and if we trust in Him, the one who can see "things as they really are" we will make it. The scripture Proverbs 3: 5-6 comes to mind "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." All of the doctrine about the Family is right in line with research. The things that the Lord has counseled us not to do tear apart the family.
